The Human Condition

Okay, get yourself ready for this whirlwind of thoughts put into words, I hope.
Alright so I've been thinking a lot about the human condition thanks to Young Life.

I've been thinking a lot about how we're so flawed. I've been thinking a lot about how we weren't made to be that way.

People always talk about how they want to go back to being 5 years old again. They say they remember being carefree and innocent. When I think about my childhood, being carefree isn't the first adjective that comes to my mind. See, I didn't have the easiest childhood. I know there are many many people that had it much worse than I did, but I believe everyone's pain is equal and important, so I believe my childhood was not that great. I wasn't abused or anything like that, let's make it clear. I was afraid of a lot when I was little (storms, burglars, fires, grown men, and countless other things). I have always been a worrier, that started young. It came along with all of the fears, so I was constantly worried about everything. I was constantly back and forth between mom and dad, and on each side constantly between grandparents and mom/dad. I do have some good memories though; most of them are from my grandpa. My dad's dad was my best friend when I was little. I was spoiled to death, but not a brat. My grandpa and grandma introduced me to the idea of Jesus and being nice and loving to everyone. They took me to do all kinds of fun stuff and loved me like crazy. I have never felt that kind of love from anyone else. I was incredibly attached to my grandpa, he really was my best friend up until I was about 6 1/2. When I was about 6 he was diagnosed with diabetes. Somehow, this was mixed up or something and he really had cancer. He passed away in September 2001, I think it was the 7th. I always remembered that day as the first Friday of September...but I was only 6, so I could be wrong, but it's whatever. So here I am, a 6.5 year old and my best friend has just vanished. I went to see him the day before he passed away, which really messed with my head later on. As a 6 year old, you don't understand the concept of death very well, I still don't understand it though I've been faced with it multiple times . I don't remember much of anything from that time until I was about 10. I didn't go to their house much anymore, it reminded too much of him, it still does. I didn't spend the night anywhere for a long time. The fact that I saw my grandpa that evening and went home and he passed away overnight, made me aware of the fact that it could happen to anyone. One weekend I went to my dad's house, about 45 minutes away in Kentucky. I got really homesick and started freaking out and really wanted to go home. My dad wouldn't let me, he wasn't being mean or anything, he just didn't understand, but neither did I. After that, I didn't spend the night anywhere, I still have issues with it today, I can handle it, but I still get really anxious.
So anyway, that really affected a lot of who I am today, my grandpa did.
So as I was saying, when I first think of my own childhood, I remember the stress and pain first and think no further. Recently I've been trying to think past those things. I started to remember some of those good times, the carefree moments that I can play back in my head like a memory.
Like the countless times when I would be falling asleep on my grandparents couch with my grandpa in his chair right next to me and my grandma in her chair next to him, separated only by the piano between them. Every night I spent there, we would say our prayers "Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I shall die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take." Then they would sit there with me until I would reluctantly fall asleep; I always wanted to stay up late and just play with them longer. As I was drifting off to sleep, I would says "I'm closing my eyes but I'm not asleep." Every night I would say that moments before I fell asleep.
There are only a handful of memories like that from when I was little. So when I hear people say they want to go back to being a kid, I wonder why. I remember my own childhood and wonder why people would want to go back to that, sure there were my moments of bliss, sure things are much more complicated now, but do you really want to go through all of that nasty growing up crap again? Then I remember that some people had fantastic childhoods. Honestly, I'm jealous. I get kind of mad at myself for being such a worrier when I shouldn't have been worrying about anything.
Then I start to think about that handful of carefree moments my mind has held on to. I remember those moments in such clarity, and yet they're so distant. It's like you're watching a movie with a bunch of short clips where you can see the situation and joy in everything, but that's it. The next minute could have been filled with fear or anger, or more joy, you just don't know. Those carefree memories leave me aching for more. They leave me aching for my grandpa, my mom, my stepdad, my dad, the joy, the freedom, the bliss.
As I remember these moments, with a tear running down my cheek and a smile on my face, I realize this is what we were made for. We weren't made for the pain and confusion of growing up.
As I've been doing this whole growing up thing, I've had times where I would sit there and think about the human condition, even if I didn't know that was what it was called. I would sit there and think about how I struggle with loads of pain and confusion, happiness and joy, everyday. I think about the constant roller coaster ride we're all on and if we ever get to get off. Life just sucks. Honestly, living in our world today sucks. But this has been changed by Jesus. Since I have Jesus, my life no longer sucks. But other people's lives still suck.

Our lives weren't meant to suck.

Our lives were meant to be like those few blissful, carefree, and innocent childhood memories. We were meant to never worry and always experience joy. We weren't made for the chaos and confusion of this world. We weren't made for the pain of this life. Thankfully with Jesus, we haven the ability to make our suckish lives worth something. No matter how hard we try, there will still be tons of pain and chaos in our lives, but now we have a reason to get through it.

So to sum up my rant about the human condition, I'd like to end with talking about one word. Or letting you read about what some one else has to say about one word.
That word is: CONTRAST
"Pain and hope. Addiction and sobriety. Our dreams and our fears. Life and death. These odd couples and these battles seem to be everywhere - i see them on the news and i see them on the street and i feel them in my chest - and yet they tend to stay as secrets."
~Jamie Tworkowski
These words are opposites of each other, and yet they control our lives.

Worship Song

Verse 1
There will be a day
When all the pain is gone

Mercy like fire and rain
Come pouring from his arms

Random acts of kindness
Replace random acts of violence

The children learn to love and pray
And one day, oh one day

Bridge
There will be cures
And healing for us all

The only thing we have to do
Is answer His call

Chorus
We will worship with on voice
Together we’ll rejoice, rejoice, rejoice

The scars this world has left us
Will vanish in His greatness

Forever paradise is where we’ll be
Then we will see

Everything He’s done was to set us free
Everything He’s done proclaims His majesty

Verse 2
This world can leave us broken
But it’s all changed by the words He has spoken

These trials come to test our faith
In hope that they may result in glory, honor, and praise

Before the score is settled and the sky has cleared
You’re the one who meets us here

In that time Your glory shines through
We can’t help but worship You