First off, happy Father's Day everyone!
Now, with that being said, I also want to say that I know this means many things to many people. To some it is a pleasant day to celebrate something great; for others it is a painful day to remember something awful.
Those who are the ones celebrating today, cherish it; really celebrate the father you have. Through the good and bad, be thankful for it all.
Those who are remembering and hurting today, let it happen. If you don't have a father in your life, or a good relationship with your father, let the healing begin to happen. Today can be a step towards a better future. Make the first move to mend the broken relationship with your father. If he isn't in your life, celebrate the men in your life who have influenced you (grandpas, uncles, brothers, cousins, etc.)
So today, while some are celebrating and some are mourning, just remember that your story matters. The pain or the joy you've been dealt by your relationship or lack of a relationship with your father is part of your story, whether you wanted it or not. There are many other people who have similar stories to your own. We can begin to grow and heal if we lean on each other and let other people become part of our stories.
You matter and you aren't alone.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
The Human Condition
Okay, get yourself ready for this whirlwind of thoughts put into words, I hope.
Alright so I've been thinking a lot about the human condition thanks to Young Life.
I've been thinking a lot about how we're so flawed. I've been thinking a lot about how we weren't made to be that way.
People always talk about how they want to go back to being 5 years old again. They say they remember being carefree and innocent. When I think about my childhood, being carefree isn't the first adjective that comes to my mind. See, I didn't have the easiest childhood. I know there are many many people that had it much worse than I did, but I believe everyone's pain is equal and important, so I believe my childhood was not that great. I wasn't abused or anything like that, let's make it clear. I was afraid of a lot when I was little (storms, burglars, fires, grown men, and countless other things). I have always been a worrier, that started young. It came along with all of the fears, so I was constantly worried about everything. I was constantly back and forth between mom and dad, and on each side constantly between grandparents and mom/dad. I do have some good memories though; most of them are from my grandpa. My dad's dad was my best friend when I was little. I was spoiled to death, but not a brat. My grandpa and grandma introduced me to the idea of Jesus and being nice and loving to everyone. They took me to do all kinds of fun stuff and loved me like crazy. I have never felt that kind of love from anyone else. I was incredibly attached to my grandpa, he really was my best friend up until I was about 6 1/2. When I was about 6 he was diagnosed with diabetes. Somehow, this was mixed up or something and he really had cancer. He passed away in September 2001, I think it was the 7th. I always remembered that day as the first Friday of September...but I was only 6, so I could be wrong, but it's whatever. So here I am, a 6.5 year old and my best friend has just vanished. I went to see him the day before he passed away, which really messed with my head later on. As a 6 year old, you don't understand the concept of death very well, I still don't understand it though I've been faced with it multiple times . I don't remember much of anything from that time until I was about 10. I didn't go to their house much anymore, it reminded too much of him, it still does. I didn't spend the night anywhere for a long time. The fact that I saw my grandpa that evening and went home and he passed away overnight, made me aware of the fact that it could happen to anyone. One weekend I went to my dad's house, about 45 minutes away in Kentucky. I got really homesick and started freaking out and really wanted to go home. My dad wouldn't let me, he wasn't being mean or anything, he just didn't understand, but neither did I. After that, I didn't spend the night anywhere, I still have issues with it today, I can handle it, but I still get really anxious.
So anyway, that really affected a lot of who I am today, my grandpa did.
So as I was saying, when I first think of my own childhood, I remember the stress and pain first and think no further. Recently I've been trying to think past those things. I started to remember some of those good times, the carefree moments that I can play back in my head like a memory.
Like the countless times when I would be falling asleep on my grandparents couch with my grandpa in his chair right next to me and my grandma in her chair next to him, separated only by the piano between them. Every night I spent there, we would say our prayers "Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I shall die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take." Then they would sit there with me until I would reluctantly fall asleep; I always wanted to stay up late and just play with them longer. As I was drifting off to sleep, I would says "I'm closing my eyes but I'm not asleep." Every night I would say that moments before I fell asleep.
There are only a handful of memories like that from when I was little. So when I hear people say they want to go back to being a kid, I wonder why. I remember my own childhood and wonder why people would want to go back to that, sure there were my moments of bliss, sure things are much more complicated now, but do you really want to go through all of that nasty growing up crap again? Then I remember that some people had fantastic childhoods. Honestly, I'm jealous. I get kind of mad at myself for being such a worrier when I shouldn't have been worrying about anything.
Then I start to think about that handful of carefree moments my mind has held on to. I remember those moments in such clarity, and yet they're so distant. It's like you're watching a movie with a bunch of short clips where you can see the situation and joy in everything, but that's it. The next minute could have been filled with fear or anger, or more joy, you just don't know. Those carefree memories leave me aching for more. They leave me aching for my grandpa, my mom, my stepdad, my dad, the joy, the freedom, the bliss.
As I remember these moments, with a tear running down my cheek and a smile on my face, I realize this is what we were made for. We weren't made for the pain and confusion of growing up.
As I've been doing this whole growing up thing, I've had times where I would sit there and think about the human condition, even if I didn't know that was what it was called. I would sit there and think about how I struggle with loads of pain and confusion, happiness and joy, everyday. I think about the constant roller coaster ride we're all on and if we ever get to get off. Life just sucks. Honestly, living in our world today sucks. But this has been changed by Jesus. Since I have Jesus, my life no longer sucks. But other people's lives still suck.
Our lives weren't meant to suck.
Our lives were meant to be like those few blissful, carefree, and innocent childhood memories. We were meant to never worry and always experience joy. We weren't made for the chaos and confusion of this world. We weren't made for the pain of this life. Thankfully with Jesus, we haven the ability to make our suckish lives worth something. No matter how hard we try, there will still be tons of pain and chaos in our lives, but now we have a reason to get through it.
So to sum up my rant about the human condition, I'd like to end with talking about one word. Or letting you read about what some one else has to say about one word.
That word is: CONTRAST
"Pain and hope. Addiction and sobriety. Our dreams and our fears. Life and death. These odd couples and these battles seem to be everywhere - i see them on the news and i see them on the street and i feel them in my chest - and yet they tend to stay as secrets."
~Jamie Tworkowski
These words are opposites of each other, and yet they control our lives.
Alright so I've been thinking a lot about the human condition thanks to Young Life.
I've been thinking a lot about how we're so flawed. I've been thinking a lot about how we weren't made to be that way.
People always talk about how they want to go back to being 5 years old again. They say they remember being carefree and innocent. When I think about my childhood, being carefree isn't the first adjective that comes to my mind. See, I didn't have the easiest childhood. I know there are many many people that had it much worse than I did, but I believe everyone's pain is equal and important, so I believe my childhood was not that great. I wasn't abused or anything like that, let's make it clear. I was afraid of a lot when I was little (storms, burglars, fires, grown men, and countless other things). I have always been a worrier, that started young. It came along with all of the fears, so I was constantly worried about everything. I was constantly back and forth between mom and dad, and on each side constantly between grandparents and mom/dad. I do have some good memories though; most of them are from my grandpa. My dad's dad was my best friend when I was little. I was spoiled to death, but not a brat. My grandpa and grandma introduced me to the idea of Jesus and being nice and loving to everyone. They took me to do all kinds of fun stuff and loved me like crazy. I have never felt that kind of love from anyone else. I was incredibly attached to my grandpa, he really was my best friend up until I was about 6 1/2. When I was about 6 he was diagnosed with diabetes. Somehow, this was mixed up or something and he really had cancer. He passed away in September 2001, I think it was the 7th. I always remembered that day as the first Friday of September...but I was only 6, so I could be wrong, but it's whatever. So here I am, a 6.5 year old and my best friend has just vanished. I went to see him the day before he passed away, which really messed with my head later on. As a 6 year old, you don't understand the concept of death very well, I still don't understand it though I've been faced with it multiple times . I don't remember much of anything from that time until I was about 10. I didn't go to their house much anymore, it reminded too much of him, it still does. I didn't spend the night anywhere for a long time. The fact that I saw my grandpa that evening and went home and he passed away overnight, made me aware of the fact that it could happen to anyone. One weekend I went to my dad's house, about 45 minutes away in Kentucky. I got really homesick and started freaking out and really wanted to go home. My dad wouldn't let me, he wasn't being mean or anything, he just didn't understand, but neither did I. After that, I didn't spend the night anywhere, I still have issues with it today, I can handle it, but I still get really anxious.
So anyway, that really affected a lot of who I am today, my grandpa did.
So as I was saying, when I first think of my own childhood, I remember the stress and pain first and think no further. Recently I've been trying to think past those things. I started to remember some of those good times, the carefree moments that I can play back in my head like a memory.
Like the countless times when I would be falling asleep on my grandparents couch with my grandpa in his chair right next to me and my grandma in her chair next to him, separated only by the piano between them. Every night I spent there, we would say our prayers "Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I shall die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take." Then they would sit there with me until I would reluctantly fall asleep; I always wanted to stay up late and just play with them longer. As I was drifting off to sleep, I would says "I'm closing my eyes but I'm not asleep." Every night I would say that moments before I fell asleep.
There are only a handful of memories like that from when I was little. So when I hear people say they want to go back to being a kid, I wonder why. I remember my own childhood and wonder why people would want to go back to that, sure there were my moments of bliss, sure things are much more complicated now, but do you really want to go through all of that nasty growing up crap again? Then I remember that some people had fantastic childhoods. Honestly, I'm jealous. I get kind of mad at myself for being such a worrier when I shouldn't have been worrying about anything.
Then I start to think about that handful of carefree moments my mind has held on to. I remember those moments in such clarity, and yet they're so distant. It's like you're watching a movie with a bunch of short clips where you can see the situation and joy in everything, but that's it. The next minute could have been filled with fear or anger, or more joy, you just don't know. Those carefree memories leave me aching for more. They leave me aching for my grandpa, my mom, my stepdad, my dad, the joy, the freedom, the bliss.
As I remember these moments, with a tear running down my cheek and a smile on my face, I realize this is what we were made for. We weren't made for the pain and confusion of growing up.
As I've been doing this whole growing up thing, I've had times where I would sit there and think about the human condition, even if I didn't know that was what it was called. I would sit there and think about how I struggle with loads of pain and confusion, happiness and joy, everyday. I think about the constant roller coaster ride we're all on and if we ever get to get off. Life just sucks. Honestly, living in our world today sucks. But this has been changed by Jesus. Since I have Jesus, my life no longer sucks. But other people's lives still suck.
Our lives weren't meant to suck.
Our lives were meant to be like those few blissful, carefree, and innocent childhood memories. We were meant to never worry and always experience joy. We weren't made for the chaos and confusion of this world. We weren't made for the pain of this life. Thankfully with Jesus, we haven the ability to make our suckish lives worth something. No matter how hard we try, there will still be tons of pain and chaos in our lives, but now we have a reason to get through it.
So to sum up my rant about the human condition, I'd like to end with talking about one word. Or letting you read about what some one else has to say about one word.
That word is: CONTRAST
"Pain and hope. Addiction and sobriety. Our dreams and our fears. Life and death. These odd couples and these battles seem to be everywhere - i see them on the news and i see them on the street and i feel them in my chest - and yet they tend to stay as secrets."
~Jamie Tworkowski
These words are opposites of each other, and yet they control our lives.
Worship Song
Verse 1
There will be a day
When all the pain is gone
Mercy like fire and rain
Come pouring from his arms
Random acts of kindness
Replace random acts of violence
The children learn to love and pray
And one day, oh one day
Bridge
There will be cures
And healing for us all
The only thing we have to do
Is answer His call
Chorus
We will worship with on voice
Together we’ll rejoice, rejoice, rejoice
The scars this world has left us
Will vanish in His greatness
Forever paradise is where we’ll be
Then we will see
Everything He’s done was to set us free
Everything He’s done proclaims His majesty
Verse 2
This world can leave us broken
But it’s all changed by the words He has spoken
These trials come to test our faith
In hope that they may result in glory, honor, and praise
Before the score is settled and the sky has cleared
You’re the one who meets us here
In that time Your glory shines through
We can’t help but worship You
There will be a day
When all the pain is gone
Mercy like fire and rain
Come pouring from his arms
Random acts of kindness
Replace random acts of violence
The children learn to love and pray
And one day, oh one day
Bridge
There will be cures
And healing for us all
The only thing we have to do
Is answer His call
Chorus
We will worship with on voice
Together we’ll rejoice, rejoice, rejoice
The scars this world has left us
Will vanish in His greatness
Forever paradise is where we’ll be
Then we will see
Everything He’s done was to set us free
Everything He’s done proclaims His majesty
Verse 2
This world can leave us broken
But it’s all changed by the words He has spoken
These trials come to test our faith
In hope that they may result in glory, honor, and praise
Before the score is settled and the sky has cleared
You’re the one who meets us here
In that time Your glory shines through
We can’t help but worship You
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
To Write Love On Her Arms
To Write Love On Her Arms is a non profit organization passionate about offering hope and help to anyone who deals with pain. They talk a lot about honesty and hope and redemption and community. Which are four of the most important things I think a person can have in life. Reading their blogs and hearing of their accomplishments has given me a fresh conviction and passion for what they're about and being a part of this movement. Our world would be unimaginably greater if we all tried to live out being honest and living in community. It would bring hope and redemption to so many more people. Depression is such a common, yet unspoken of issue. I just want to encourage everyone to talk about what is on your mind and communicate your struggles. Because you never know who else is going through the same thing, or how much you can help them.
It would also be cool if you visited their website: www.twloha.com
Or read their blog on their myspace.
There is hope. Redemption is real.
Wake up. You're alive. We're on your side.
“Maybe if I share the path I walk then a little more of your pain will vanish. I want you to heal, whoever you are. I don't care what pain you've brought the world, I just want yours to subside. No matter what, your path is yours. Dont follow misery or worry. Devote every moment of your life to improving your dreams. Love your world. Cherish the good you do. Let go of hatred. Dream of love.”
~Anonymous
It would also be cool if you visited their website: www.twloha.com
Or read their blog on their myspace.
There is hope. Redemption is real.
Wake up. You're alive. We're on your side.
“Maybe if I share the path I walk then a little more of your pain will vanish. I want you to heal, whoever you are. I don't care what pain you've brought the world, I just want yours to subside. No matter what, your path is yours. Dont follow misery or worry. Devote every moment of your life to improving your dreams. Love your world. Cherish the good you do. Let go of hatred. Dream of love.”
~Anonymous
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
People
I feel like writing something epic right now, but I'm falling asleep. So basically, I'll just say this in, what I like to call, "3rd grade sentences."
So....I love my friends. They're the most amazing people in the world. My family isn't exactly a group of people I really fit in with, but my friends are amazing. Especially the ones from church. You guys are amazing =]
So....I love my friends. They're the most amazing people in the world. My family isn't exactly a group of people I really fit in with, but my friends are amazing. Especially the ones from church. You guys are amazing =]
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